It is easy to assume that BYU is a completely safe environment where everyone shares the same beliefs about moral behavior. Sadly, that is not always the case; sexual harassment and sexual assault are a problem everywhere, including at BYU.
With that reality in mind, you can take an active role in increasing your safety or the safety of those you care about. While there's no way to eliminate the chance of uncomfortable or dangerous situations, there are strategies that may reduce risk and help keep you safe.
Safe Dating
At BYU, dating and relationships are a central aspect of the student experience. In an environment where most students are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and all sign the Honor Code, it can be easy to assume that all dating partners are safe and trustworthy. However, it is important to exercise safe dating practices, even while dating in a relatively safe community. Here are a few safe dating tips:
- Have your own transportation. When you are in control of how you are getting to and from the date, you have the freedom to leave an uncomfortable situation. Additionally, sharing your address with a stranger can be risky, even if only for the purpose of being picked up for an outing.
- Meet in public. Especially when meeting for a first date, do so in a public place. Refrain from beginning with movie dates alone in someone’s apartment. Meeting and getting to know each other in public can reduce the chance of an awkward or dangerous situation. Once you have built a foundation of trust, you can transition to more private settings.
- Talk about consent, expectations, and boundaries. Despite oftentimes sharing a religious background and commitment to the Honor Code, standards can mean different things to different people. Discuss openly what you are and are not comfortable doing, including boundaries of physical affection. One person’s line may not be another’s. Then, once a boundary has been communicated to you, respect it.
- Let a friend know who you’re with and when you’ll be back. If you feel comfortable doing so, share your location with a friend so they can track your whereabouts.
- If you feel uncomfortable, leave. Your comfort and safety should be your top priority; it is okay to make up an excuse or simply decide to go home if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
- Listen to your gut. Your intuition or the Spirit can indicate to you when something is not right. If you feel that the situation is off in any way, don’t disregard that feeling.
- Believe red flags. If your date exhibits concerning behaviors, take them seriously and exit the situation.
Increasing Your Safety
The following tips may reduce your risk for many different types of crimes, particularly sexual violence.
- Know your resources. Who should you contact if you or a friend needs help? Where should you go? Locate resources such as the campus health center, campus police station, and a local sexual assault service provider. Notice where emergency phones are located on campus, and program the campus security number into your cell phone for easy access.
- Stay alert. When you’re moving around on campus or in the surrounding neighborhoods, be aware of your surroundings. Consider inviting a friend to join you or asking campus security for an escort. University Police offer a "Safe Walk" program and can send an officer to escort you on campus if you are feeling unsafe. If you’re alone, consider using headphones in one ear to stay aware of your surroundings.
- Be careful about posting your location. Many social media sites, like Facebook and Foursquare, use geolocation to publicly share your location. Consider disabling this function and reviewing other social media settings. Click here for tips on how to stay safe using social media.
- Make others earn your trust. A college environment can foster a false sense of security. You may feel like fast friends, but give people time to earn your trust before relying on them or meeting with them in private.
- Be secure. Lock your door and windows when you’re asleep and when you leave home. If people constantly prop open the main door to the dorm or apartment, tell your RA, hall advisor, or a trusted authority figure.
Safety in Social Settings
Yes, it's possible to relax and have a good time while still making safety a priority! Whether it's a party, a Family Home Evening activity, or meeting at Swig for a treat, consider these tips for staying safe and looking out for your friends in social settings.
- Make a plan. If you’re going out, go with people you trust. Agree to watch out for each other and plan to leave together. If your plans change, make sure to touch base with the other people in your group. Don’t leave someone stranded in an unfamiliar or unsafe situation.
- It’s okay to make something up. If you want to exit a situation immediately and are concerned about frightening or upsetting someone, it’s okay to lie. You are never obligated to remain in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable, pressured, or threatened. You can also make something up to help a friend leave a situation that you think may be dangerous. Some excuses you could use are needing to take care of another friend or family member, an urgent phone call, not feeling well, and having to be somewhere else by a certain time.
- Be a good friend. Trust your instincts. If you notice something that doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Learn more about how to keep your friends safe in social settings.
Social Media Safety
What you choose to share on social media is always your decision, but what others choose to do with your information is not always be in your control. Take charge of your personal safety with the following social media safety tips.
- Personalize your privacy settings. Adjust your privacy settings on the site to your comfort level, and select options that limit who can view your information. These site-specific security pages can help you get started.
- Pause before you post. Before you post, ask yourself if you are comfortable sharing this information with everyone who might see it. Once it’s posted online, it’s there forever. Even content that is deleted can sometimes be accessed by the website or through screenshots of the original post. Content that contains personal information or your whereabouts could pose a safety risk. Other posts may risk portraying you in a negative way, like pictures of partying or insults directed at a specific person or group.
- Turn off geolocation. Many social media sites or apps will request to access your location, but in most cases this isn’t necessary. You can still get the most out of your online or app experience without sharing where you are. In addition to accessing your location, some sites make this information public. When you “check in” on sites like Facebook or Foursquare, you are sharing your exact location with people you may or may not know.
- Use a private Internet connection. Avoid public Wi-Fi connections, like those offered at coffee shops or airports, when using a website that asks for a password. Limit your social media usage to personal or private Wi-Fi networks.
- Talk to your friends about public posts. Let your friends know where you stand on sharing content that may have personally identifying information, like your location or a photo of you. Respect each other’s wishes about deleting posts that may be embarrassing or uncomfortable. Before you post something about another person, whether it mentions them indirectly, by name, or in a picture, ask their permission.
- Report it. If someone is making you feel uncomfortable online you can report the interaction to the host site. You can use the “report” button near the chat window, flag a post as inappropriate, or submit a screenshot of the interaction directly to the host site.
No tips can absolutely guarantee safety—sexual harassment can happen to anyone. It’s important to remember that if you are sexually harassed or assaulted, it is not your fault. Help and support are available, and you can find more information by contacting the Title IX Office.
Adapted from the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network